The Subtle Art of Meaningful Compliments

Being nice to someone feels good. In fact, one of the best experiences we can have in life is making someone smile. And a compliment is one of the easiest ways to do exactly that.

We all know how to acknowledge something that we like. But complimenting someone often takes a bit more nuance. Here are 5 tips and tricks to help you deliver meaningful, impactful, and rewarding compliments:

1. Know Your Audience

When you want to give a compliment to someone you know personally, it’s best to think about what makes that person proudest. Some folks pride themselves on their creativity. Others on their sense of style or making people laugh. If you know a detail like that about a person, it’s wonderful to highlight that area of expertise.

For example, for the consummate homemaker, you could say something like, “You are such an incredible hostess. You always make me feel so comfortable in your home.”

2. Remember: THEY Are the Subject of Your Praise

When possible, the other person should be the subject of the compliment. That sounds simple enough, but can you tell the difference between the A and B examples below?

a.       I love your dress.

b.       You look amazing in that dress

Example A makes you the subject of the compliment. Example B keeps them front and center. When you only highlight the dress, the person might as well be a clothes hangar!

3. Don't Be Afraid of Details

The more specific you can be, the better. Infuse your compliment with some details to drive it home and avoid sounding generic. Something like: “You are such a good listener. Not only do you always make eye contact, you seem genuinely engaged in the conversation. I really appreciate that.”

4. But Keep It Genuine

Somewhat counterintuitively to the previous point, few things make someone seem disingenuous like providing too many details. A compliment is a gift given without expectation of anything in return. You know how you can often tell when someone's complimenting you just to butter you up? They're only giving the compliment in the hopes of getting something in return. Make sure that your compliment is genuine and not over the top. If you tend to over-compliment, it may be harder for others to believe that you're truly sincere. It's a fine line, but it's one worth riding.

5. And Make Sure to Compliment the Mirror

Appreciating others is a fantastic feeling. But sometimes appreciating yourself can feel even better! Don't worry about being cocky – this is about self-love and self-confidence. We all need a boost of both every now and again!

Here's a strategy. Go to the mirror and say something nice about yourself out loud and in the third person. Let's say your name is Jane. You'd say: "Jane, you are a beautiful person inside and out. You give so much of yourself to others, and you deserve love and happiness. I appreciate you."

Using the third person helps us feel like we're our own cheerleader. Be your own cheerleader!

Practice Makes Them Perk Up

If all of this feels a bit foreign or awkward, no need to worry. Complimenting—whether yourself or others—takes a little practice. It also takes getting used to some vulnerability. But once you get in the swing of things, you’ll be offering up niceties like it's nothing (even though it can mean everything!)

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