Trauma & Grief

Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

This complicated life that we lead is incredibly painful. Loss, grief, anger, transition…all things that cause us to stretch and grow also cause emotional discomfort. In fact, even the most beautiful experiences can feel bittersweet at times. Yet, when we try to avoid pain, we find ourselves experiencing a different type of discomfort: the sadness of a life not fully lived. As the quote says: “pain is inevitable” and that means there is no way around it. The only way is THROUGH.

We are living in divisive times, and we can see this division being played out right before our very eyes. And you know why? Because, no matter the topic, we tend to default to a place of defensive communication, as opposed to leaning into curiosity and feelings.

This time in quarantine has forced most of us to remain extra still and spend concentrated time with ourselves without distraction. Even though many of us remain busy with home/work/life balance, when that winds down each day, we don’t have the typical outlets to entertain ourselves, and therefore, the word “bored” is getting thrown around quite often.

How often do you “check out?” I would imagine that it’s much more than you are actually aware of. And you know what? That’s not always such a bad thing? If you’ve ever driven somewhere stone-cold sober and arrived at your destination questioning how you got there, or what the drive was like, then you have most definitely clocked out early.

If you, or someone close to you is a member of the United States Marine Corps, (first of all, thank you for your service) and second, then you are most likely familiar with the unofficial Latin motto “Semper Gumby.” Referring to the adorable, green, animated clay character Gumby, it means "Always Flexible” and encourages one’s ability to roll with the punches and go with the flow.

It is truly amazing that humans have the capacity to actually forget what some pain feels like. It’s what allows us to continue to populate the earth. Can you imagine if women could physically recall the full pain of childbirth?! We might become a world of only children!

We all understand the severity of changes that this pandemic has brought into our households, with each family facing their own unique set of challenges and dynamics. Relationships are being tested and strained in a variety of different ways, all while we try to manage our individual baseline level of added stress.

Change is coming. How do I know? Because it always is. Whether something happy or catastrophic, change is always around the corner, and it's up to us to be prepared for what that might mean. Here's how to be emotionally ready no matter what change the world throws our way.

I'll often ask my clients, "What do you want?" Sounds simple, right? But the most honest answer to that question often takes deep thought, especially when it relates to your happiness. In the end, and (very) generally speaking, the answers fall under feeling relevant, mattering to someone, and being part of a larger purpose.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater”? It means you shouldn’t throw out the good while getting rid of the bad. And whenever I see an internet meme that complains about how long January felt, I think of those wise words.